..2020: After A Years..

assalamualaikum all..

fuhhh 1 year ++ not updating my blog at all..

what happened for the rest of 2019?

letssss the story begin


recap end of 2018: met someone through mirc (again?) after having a lot of conversation, we came closer and he start to talk about future and more serious relationship.

March-April 2019: start to having problem with that friend. seem like he try to ignore me. pfftttt

March 2019: present my thesis on pre-viva session for faculty level. dalam keadaan patah hati prepare everything. doing all my thesis correction with my supervisor wherever we can. paling sik dapat lupak, dudok KFC polah correction. next day kenak hantar thesis untuk di evaluate peringkat fakulti. we even sit at McDonalds and my sv check page by page of my thesis because we cant do it in her office since everyone will looking for her at the office. she take a leave just to meet outside the campus and help me out with my thesis.

during last preparation for pre-viva. im struggling and fighting with my own emotion. i feel frustrated because of being ignore and keep thinking if i ever made a mistake as that friend is suddenly trying to push me away (😒). and honestly, i dont have any motivation to finish my master degree because im so frustrated and not satisfied with my own research design. but, my SV ensure me everything gonna be fine, its okay to have such result because we are doing research and there will be some error in the results but we need to clarify how it could happen and how can we overcome this in future. Since I dont have so much time left (I need to settle everything in 2019 or else, my master degree will be terminated and 4 years are wasted) and no more money to be korek for another studies fee, i push myself to finish my thesis.

May 2019: thesis accepted for university level. need to go another round of correction. a lot of amend to be done. sooo much actually. from the formatting to the content. everything is not in a right place. ohh.. this is after another round of correction and re-arrange entire thesis after pre-viva session. so, yeahh.. another round of correction. I've done all this with heartache 😪 and keep crying (macam bodoh) all days and night. My thesis is my therapy, one way to divert myself from keep thinking about that one friend.

also in May 2019, during earlier of puasa: I found out that friend who keep talking about getting married, ask me to be his girlfriend and even wife. who keep calling me everyday before suddenly dodging me with "family tak suka, family tak bagi kawan dah sebab kenal online" reason is actually a GIRL. babi betol.. i will write another post in details about how this happened. harap rajin jak lah. walaupun dah setaun, i want to write this as my own reference or ingatan di hari tua nanti. penah kena tipu hidup2. hahahaha.. macam bodoh

May-June 2019: Doing countless of correction as advised by Centre of Graduated School Deputy Dean. Yes, i met our deputy dean almost every week. Time buat correction, dah buat penuh berhati-hati. dah confident betulkan semua kesalahan yang dia tunjuk. next day, i will get message saying that my thesis is so bad. im doing a cincai work and my thesis is so bad. Air mata tak payah cerita laa.. dok mengalir macam air terjun almost every day. Raya pun tak da feel langsung. Risau dengan thesis, takut nak jumpa dengan Deputy Dean, seram nak jumpa ngan SV. SV sampai cakap "Kamek malu dengan Dr Lan sebab kitak, nya madah student kamek terok, kerja kita main2" fuuhhhh.. padahal kita tak tido malam, menghadap laptop, betulkan semua kesalahan. sangat moral down this time. sangattt sangatttt down. tapi pujuk diri lagi, dah nak hujung jalan betul ni, tak kan nak give up macam tu jek. Even though I keep getting such harsh comment, on the day I met the deputy dean, the only correction I need to do is a spacing on a single page 💆. suka nak molah ku ambak aty.. suka nak ngembar kata urang sarawak. but I am truly understand why both my deputy dean n sv doing that kind of action, so that i will take my work seriously and give 200% of my effort on it.

11 June 2019: I submit my thesis for Viva.. fuuhhh.. gumbiraaaaa dah dapat sampai viva. Nervous gilaa tunggu Viva-voce's date.

sebulan dua bulan.. tidak juga kunjung tiba tarikh viva.

12 August 2019- Received a message from my SV saying that i will have my viva-voce next week. peehhhh... nervous sungguh. But somehow, I prepared myself from the day i submitted my thesis. Keep doa, sembahyang Hajat, sembahyang sunat Dhuha mintak dimurahkan rezeki dapat examiner yang sentiasa lembut hati. yang terbukak hati nya untuk membantu. I keep re-read my thesis to found out what is lacking in my own thesis. so, I can always counter back whatever my examiners told/ fire on me.

16 August 2019- My Viva-Voce day. Ya Allah.. perasaan nervous tu tak yah cite la. dari malam tu rasa nak termuntah. keep re-read all my thesis. prepared my presentation slides. but, I dont have chances to do mock-presentation in front of my SV at all. because she is so busy and need to go outstation and so on. Oh, it just a few day after Hari Raya Aidiladha. My viva-voce start at 9 AM via skype call for my external examiner from USM and in face-to-face with my internal examiner from our own university. Pagi2 mak hantar g uni, I cant describe what is my own feeling on that time. I feel so nervous because im going to defend my own baby that I ve been struggling for 4 years and I know that my baby is far from perfect and have a lottt of flaws. I feel so proud of myself because finally, here I am, at the last stage to complete my master. I feel sad because my mom willing to be with me early in the morning for moral support but I still cant give her anything.

My presentation goes well. For 15 minutes I presented regarding my research and followed by Q&A session for almost 30 minutes. Then, we go page by page of my thesis with both of my examiners. They ask me a lot of questions and give me a suggestions on how to improve the thesis. After almost 3 hours of Viva-Voce, they revealed my result. I PASS MY MASTER with minor correction. They gave me 6 month time to complete all my correction before I am finally can completed my master. Alhamdulillah.. I still cant believe that i manage to go through all of this up until this stage. One of the comment I received was "I can understand very well from your presentation but im so confused with your thesis" and "poorly written thesis" heeee.. Therefore, a lootttt of corrections need to be done.

With my SV, internal examiner and Chairperson for my Viva-voce

Once I'm done with my Viva Voce, i start to do my correction right away. But, again.. another round of corrections need to be done. A lottt!! Once Im done all the correction, need to submit to my internal examiner. Once she satisfied with all the reports and correction, then need to fill up all the documents to be submitted to university for verification. Everything must be done before 2nd week of September if I want to join convocation ceremony in 2019 or else, I need to wait for next year (2020) convocation. seriously, terasa semput dok kejar2 dateline ni. Dah lepas examiner, sangkut lagi kat Dekan sekali lagi. Formatting tak ngam la, ade full stop lupa la, x cukup cm la kat front page, gambar kecik sangat, spacing salah. seriously strict giler uni dengan formatting ni. Prof2 ni tengok thesis macam ade install pembaris kat mata. Tgok camtu jek dah tau size font salah, x sukup 2.5cm. beza 0.1 cm pon dorang leh detect yer. Benda2 remeh macam tu pon boleh buat delay n stress. tapi mistake diri sendiri gak lah sebab tak cakna dengan benda2 camtu kan. tapi kadang2 memang x perasan pon format terlari sikit, lupa letak noktah bagai.

proses correction ni agak mencabar gak la. sebab kne hantar, tunggu respon, buat balik correction, print out baru the whole thesis. kejar masa lagi untuk thesis masuk meeting senat untuk tentutkan leh konvo tak. Dan bulan 10 gak kitorang ke Johor untuk majlis merisik+bertunang adik. B4 ke Johor tu masih belum settle lagi yer ngan thesis tu. Luckily, meeting peringkat postgrad n meeting senat di tunda until october. To give a chance to students yang baru habis viva n buat correction so we can attend the convocation in the same year.

14 Oktober thesis masuk meeting senat dan diluluskan. Alhamdulillah.. dalam masa 2 minggu kena settle everything untuk konvo. Hardcover thesis, bayar yuran konvo, settle itu ini, hantar sana sini. Fuhhh.. duit dalam tabung memang dah kosong. Alhamdulillah sekali lagi, my siblings and family sangat2 membantu. dorang bagi duit untuk setelkan everything. kalau xder dorang, x konvo lah saya. tak mampu dah nak carik duit.

and on 28th October.. the happiest day of my life. My Master's Graduation Day. After 4 years of blood and tears. 4 years of struggle. 4 years of jatuh-jatuh-bangun-jatuh-merangkak-jatuh-jatuh-jatuh-merangkak-jatuh-jatuh dan akhirnya bangun di pentas konvokesyen degan jubah merah.

Im so happy and so proud of myself. Finally, I get what I want. my #misijubahmerah is completed. Alhamdulillah..

Tasik UNIMAS

Berlatarbelakangkan DUN Sarawak

seronok melangkah, macam terlepas semua beban 4 tahun

Gambar studio

Gambar paling mahal. Ada prof yang baik hati amek kan gambar dari atas stage. TQ Prof.

Belanjaaa.. hikhik. Of course purple is my choice. Songket Saree Kurung and custom made beads on my shawl.

The end of my master journey. I want to remind myself and share my thought with whoever read this. Keep going, never give up, listen to your own body, get enough rest when u need it but NEVER stop to get what you want. Never stop until u finish whatever u ever start. Baiki hubungan dengan Allah, insyaAllah segalanya akan dipermudahkan.

p/s: This post is written during Covid-19 pandemic and Malaysia is in MCO (Movement Control Order). So, take a good care everyone.