..He is my Jonnie..

assalamualaikum all..

i will write this post as ^lurve_purple^

lets continue reading



i had been involved with mirc since i think in 2006 and my nick name is ^lurve_purple^ since 2007.. starting to just have fun.. then it goes to making a friends and i start to know about relationship and so on.. u can refer to my oldessssttttt post in this blog about me n mirc..

i join it on and off.. i will start mirc during my semester break, at the begining of semester or the end of semester.. since i have a lot of free time during that time.. and every joining will lead me to another stories, another users, another server, another interesting moment to remind of..

after my laptop had been damage last year and i just get new one mid of this year.. i hold myself not to install any mirc related to my lappy because i know.. lurve purple will menganas and khayal with all the irc things..

and i dont know how and why.. i install mirc at the end of August or earlier September.. at first.. i just google MalayIRC and it leads to chat place in MalayIRC server.. at the server i ask the other users..how to take purple into DALnet? my fav server.. and tadaahhh there lurve purple are... enjoying her trivia, kuiz and uno at dalnet..

then.. within the process of looking for which channel to go for the quiz.. i met a lot of new friends.. while waiting for the question that i know how to answer, i will chit chatting with others on the main channel..

this nick is registered to me.. but had been dropped a lot of time because of inactivity..

and i dont why.. this year... lurve purple is extra notty at the cenel.. maybe because of her age? ahh.. never mind.. just let it be..

then.. purple become regular user in Dalnet on a few channel.. and she very enjoying her moment there.. talk freely, teasing each other, knowing each other and became friend with each other..

a lot of incoming Private Message (PM), some of it, purple will layan and talk to know each other.. but most of the time.. the PM will be ignored.. and only chat in channel will be entertain.. and i enjoy watching others chatting in the channel..

eh..panjang juak mukadimah tek..

then.. one day... there is one nick.. PM purple.. talk some nasty things.. and purple said.."stop it.. i dont want this kind of chat" the nick that, yaahh..i always seen on the channel but never interested to know more about this man. after tell him i dont fancy that kind of topic.. i hope that he will back off.. but no.. he still there.. lead purple to other topics.. and yet purple still in the state of cautious and very careful in chatting because i dont want it lead back to nasty chat..

then.. it became more interesting chat.. with a little bit of introduction by him and he start to tell purple some jokes and some funny stories..

and comes 2nd chat.. he start to say dirty things.. and i dont believe that is him.. i thought maybe someone else with similar nick.. so.. i just ignore..

and comes another private message... and now with proper chat.. then.. lurve purple is set only can be PMed by registered nick..which means, only the real user or regular user can send me a private message to ignore spammer and all the nasty chat..

but.. he never give up.. he keep say hi to lurve purple on the main channel and tell purple to "bukak pintu".. and there we go... keep chatting happily.. kadang2 dari pagi sampai malam.. heee.. and i love it.. he will ask me "dah maghrib lom?" and everytime he left me to go to surau "ai nak g surau ni, nak doakan kita" and i will laugh.. hahahaha..

and then.. we go to a new channel own by our friends.. there..he start to playing words.. sweet words.. "petik bintang untuk purplelie" "bawak pepeli gi london.." "bawak pepeli g eiffel tower" so on and on.. No! im not falling for him at this point..

and in private message.. still we talk a lot of things..about books, about his life abroad and just sometimes he shows sweet side of him in our private conversation..

yess.. kitorang chatting every day.. kadang-kadang dari pagi sampai malam.. dan macam-macam benda kitorang borak.. macam memang non stop lah borak.. kalau purple sedeh, dier akan bukak cerita hepi or bagi teka-teki mengarut... hahaha. nak buat purple hepi balik.. and at this point, sedikit hati telah terusik..

then.. one day..purple type lirik lagu kat main "no matter what they say now im in love" kat cenel..pastu, next day he ask me.. "btol ker u dah jatuh hati kata ai? dorang kat cenel bagitau..im sorry kalau ai dah lead u ke arah perasaan tu..i think i should back off"..time tu mengigil2 tangan reply..hahaha.. sebab waktu menaip tu tak terlintas pon..saje2 jek nak taip kat cenel.. so.. purple just jawab..no, tu lirik lagu jek.. and he said.. "ok... terluka lagi hati ini untuk kali ke 2 selepas 12 tahun" then..i was like.. errrmm errmm ermmm.. x tau nak cakap apa

so..i decide..keraskan lah sikit hati.. jangan la nak jatuh sangat.. he is just another men in irc.. who plays words..keep "sembur gula" to gurls nak try market lah kot. i dont know tapi but that is the reality in irc world.. teasing flirting is a normal things there.. u will seen it everywhere..

but then.. we keep chat hari demi hari..kadang2 boleh pulak dier bukak pasal hantaran..hal lepas kawen nak dok mana.. *muntah ijo*.. then.. one night.. he want me to stay with him up to 3 am.. tunggu dia balik keja, makan, mandi.. everything.. and that night.. he tells me something that i had not heard for a lonnnggg longgg time..

"u..u asset arwah ayah u.. u yang akan tarik dier ke neraka dan u jugak yang akan bawak dia ke syurga.. jaga diri u.. tolong jaga diri u betul-betul.. jangan jatuh kat kata-kata lelaki..jangan mudah percaya..jangan mudah ikut..i think u should stop irc.. kat sini lebih banyak yang jahat dari yang baik.."

dah lama gilaaaa tak dengar orang bagi nasihat macam tu.. last sekali orang bagi nasihat macam tu is my late uncle, Alem..

kitorang teruskan lagi chat macam biasa.. but now dah start nak tunjuk sikit2 kejelesan sana sini.. tegur chatters kat main channel, mesti ade soalan "sape tu? kenal ker?" then...i slow down..sebab tak nak la bagi orang terasa kan..

2nd incident.. i just want to know others opinion on how lurve purple chat.. nakal sangat ker? terok sangat ker? bcoz ada beberapa chatters cakap tak berani nak tegur sebab macam dah jadi awek chatters lain kat cenel.. yang sebetulnya.. memang tak betul pon.. /me cuma nak beramah mesra ngan orang..tak da langsung niat nak mengatal ker..orang borak cara a, kita ikut la cara a.. x kan tetiba nak jadi b kan..

dan jawapan dia.. sangat-sangat mengecewakan.. he said a lot of bad things about how lurve purple in irc.. nakal sangat nehh.. and what i thinks that time is.. yes..this is what he think about me.. seorang yang senang jek dier nak buat macam2.. but then he said.. kenal kat cenel, nampak macam senang nak dapat..dah kenal..xder la senang sangat..

so.. i decide.. i want to stop for a while.. tarik brake sekejap.. bagi reda sikit kenakalan... so..i off for 1 day.. and... in 1 day off.. i got a few message from him..dari kawan2 yang ada nombor.. 1st mesej, naper tak masok? 2nd mesej.. a pantun... tak ingat sangat la pantun macam mana.. but he did mention "hati gelisah, menunggu bidadari tak muncul tiba".. next day.. purple masok irc.. and there he are... and excited giler tgok my nick.. he said naper semalam x masok? ai tunggu u.. and i was like..yerlah tu..padahal dah inform kat member ckp kat dier i wouldn't on for one day..no need to waiting for me..if u miss me, just look into ur heart, lurve purple is there.. deep inside ur heart..

he said.."yerr tau x masok..tapi nak tunggu jugak, sebab harap ada u.. u memang buat i macam pondan semalam.. tak keruan rasa hati ni u tak der..macam-macam pantun keluar" and i admitted.. sehari tak masok tu, bukan dier sorang jek mencarik..the other one also looking for me..siap bagitau kat cenel "i know purple ada orang lain.." iskiskiskisk.. entah apa la special lurve purple sampai begitu sekali..

before the incident... one night.. he ask me.. "ai nak tuju lagu untuk u boleh tak?" and he gave me a few his favourite songs and he tell me about the singers and so on.. the 1st song he gave me is Sunshine-Steve Azar.. dengan ucapan "ai bagi lagu ni..ikhlas dari hati ai untuk u"

a part of the lyrics:

Well I've waited so long, so long, so long
For someone like you
And as this morning breaks through the window pane
It reveals the truth

Baby, you're my sunshine, first light
Find your way to places that only know lies
Failed tries and bruised skies
With hardly time to hold on or be strong, now I'm strong
'Cause like the dawn you push it all away

a few days later.. he gave me another song.. Dirty-Everyone

a part of the lyrics

This is my darkest night girl you're swimming in my head

It happens all the time, I blow it every time
People change with time
Call me anytime girl
I miss you oh so often
Whats been said is done
Its my only option girl ill be anyone for you.
Anyone.

i dont know if this thing is normal or i am the one who is very easily to fall for someone.. hati ku terusik dan terus terusik.. then..come argument.. when, he not feel ok, and he hope im the one who PM he and ask "are u ok?" but then..i dont do that.. but deep inside me..im worried about him but im too scared to ask because earlier he have some "pertelingkahan" with other chatter and honestly im too scared to chat with him and i dont like to see he in that situation. knowing someone with always using good words and funny..tetiba marah sangaattt sangaattt lah tak seronok ok..

this is the starting point.. kitorang berubah terus.. mula-mula gadoh tak habes-habes.. borak sikit jek gadoh.. borak sikit jek dok ungkit2 kisah lama.. and this point kitorang keep buat confession tak habes2.. 3 hari confession.. hahaha.. he said.. "ai ingat kita dah special..ai ingat we are something" after dier hilang for 3 days.. tak tau pegi mana 3 hari sepi tanpa berita buat ^lurve_purple^ macam orang gila kat cenel dok tunggu dia masok.. but then again..once dier on balik.. his pepeli tengah menakal ngan org lain kat cenel..

then.. keep gadoh gadoh dan gadoh.. tapi still.. borak macam biasa.. tak tegur kang, masing2 mencari.. dah tegur gadoh.. tak gadoh pon jawap seketul seketul.. "ok" "k" "a ah" "betul tu"..macam tu lah hari-hari... until his last day in irc..

one day.. on 10.11.. he tell me.. i made a decision.. 28.11.2016 will be my last day in IRC.. i want to quit irc.. please follow me.. and i said.. no.. dont worry about me, i will off once i feel i want to.. because that how it works with lurve_purple.. she will come and go whenever she wants to.. no planning need to be prepared..

last 18 days with him.. i dont want to leave him.. i want to make  a lot of memories with him.. but he refuse to.. :)

one day... he ask me this question..

"u ade perasaan kat ai ker?"

my answer.. nak cakap tak macam menipu diri sendiri.. yess.. i ade perasaan kat u.. tapi nak cakap yer pon macam tak logik..kenal irc jek kot.. and i malu..hahaha

2nd question..

"if ai ajak u kawen, u nak x?"

and i was likee... ooo maaiii!!! ape punye soalan ni.. but dengan penuh kemachoan.. i answer him.. if kita sekadar kenal di sini macam now, my answer will be no.. but if kita dah kenal masok dalam in real life.. then i akan pertimbangkan.. macho kan jawapan?

then.. i ask him the same question.. on 1st question.. his answer is.. "Tak..i tak pernah ada perasaan kat u" and of course soalan ke 2 dah tau apa jawapan nya..

waktu tu..rasa macam.. ppppfffffttttt btol laki ni.. sangat bullshit..sangat fuck off dier punya perangai.. tanya soalan macam bagi harapan..pastu macam dia jatuhkan maruah lurve_purple and pijak2.. waktu tu rasa macam.. bodoh nyaa akuu.. dah bagi dia menang macam tu jek.. and terbayang waktu tu dier tersenyum puas.. dah boleh bodoh2 kan lurve purple.. make she fall for him and now rasakan kene pijak lumat2..

lepas tu.. entah.. me tak boleh nak buat jahat kat dia.. so, we just chat normally.. and on his last 2 days.. i tell him everything.. everything..dari what i feel on first day kitorang chat sampai dia buat me macam sampah.. from mid september up to 24.11... 2 bulan jak ponnn...

and his answer.. "sorry.. ai tak ade niat pun nak buat u macam tu.. ai ingat u dah tau macam mana permainan laki di irc.."

and i tell him.. yes.. usually i memang tau..dah masak pon perangai2 laki dalam tu.. but i dont know this time boleh terlajak sampai macam ni.. i fall for him dengan terok.. if i dont know how it works in irc.. i will not single up until now.. ive been in irc world for almost 10 years.. macam2 jenis laki jumpa..jenis tabur bunga, tabur gula.. seb baik tak jumpa lagi yang tabur taik..

before he left... he gave me this song..

and this words... i know benda ni supposedly just for two of us.. but who knows.. my lappy nanti tak hensem, hilang lak.. so, i thinks i will letak kat sini gak lah..

i will remember that words.. "ku hanya ada ingatan mengharap, ungu itu kekal ungu, tidak terkacau rona lain yang menganggu.." only he knows how his pepeli is.. dalam banyak-banyak chatters.. i thinks he knows me more than the others.. and i bet he want me to stay like his pepeli.. and no one are allowed to change his pepeli..

pepeli.. is the name he give to me.. he is the one who started to call me as pepeli and keep using that name on each our conversation.. and he telling me..u are so special because u are my pepeli..

when he say final words before he quit..he is at the airport.. heading back to Malaysia.. b4 go to Japan for vacation and back to his working place.. when in Malaysia.. dia akan jumpa dengan bakal isteri.. mama dier carik kan.. im hepi for him bcoz i know his past love story.. hopefully kali ni dier terima lah pilihan mama dia.. hahahaa.. 

he is the one who make me tak keruan, the one who make me bukak hati untuk lelaki irc, the one who make me happy and laugh with all his jokes, make me scared of him when he is angry, the one who makes me worried when he sick, the one who makes me cry with his coldness toward me.. the one who touched my heart with all his words and action.. the one who make me speechless with his unexpected behaviour and words.. the one who make me feel this way.. he is my Jonnie.. 

my karipap, my waffles, my brownies, my apple pie, my pengat nangka, my pari bakar..and my bahulu...

sometimes i make myself believe im in love with him.. but the other side of me deny this feeling.. maybe it just i enjoy his existance and his attention towards me.. maybe i had not found anyone who speaks to me like he does for a longg time..

whatever this feeling is.. im glad Allah let me met this special person.. if one day.. u boleh terjumpa this blog and read all this crappy things.. i just want to say.. i miss u.. and i would like to thanks you for lead me to whom i am today. and i hope u have a happy life because i always pray for ur happiness in my doa..  tq abg jonnie.. :)

pict from google

i thinks.. our is just a short chapter with a interesting story line.. and a lot of watak tambahan.. hahaha.. 

so... this is my cyber's love experience..if im allowed to called it as love..or cyber's relationship? whatever..

Jonnie last advice to me.. "jangan mudah jatuh dengan kata-kata manis lelaki.." and my advice to him "jangan bagi ayat manis.. jangan sentuh hati perempuan kalau tak bermaksud nak buat benda jadi serious"

so.. both of us learn our mistake.. ^_^

ps: hopefully.. lepas entry ni.. it will end my 4 weeks of crying bcoz of him.. sound stupid? but yes.. i am..