Assalamualaikum all..
Its a bit late. Usually I will write something on my birthday, 25th September. But this year, I just post something on my fb n instagram.
So, in 2020 I already live for 31 years. What is your achievement when you are entering 3 series?
Mine? Nothing.
I still dont have a stable job, not even start my carrier. Still stay with my mom. I cant drive (but I do have driving license, it just I feel scared to drive and We dont have extra car for me to drive + my mom always shouting every time I try to drive. So, I just give up on driving). I dont have someone whom I can share everything. I dont even have enough money to buy myself KFC, or any my essential stuff.
While my friends, start to expanding their family. Already bought a house, a new car, planning for a vacation, can have their lunch, dinner at where ever they want without worried about money so much.
Today I feel so so so sad thinking about myself. Today I cry because I think I cant stand all of this anymore. I feel tired. Tired to act like everything was fine. Tired to tell myself everything gonna be okay soon. I feel tired because there are no one who ever really care about me. About my feeling, about my life, about what I want to do in my life. Everytime I told my family or friends about what I want, always get negative comments. No one ever try to support me.
Being boyish from child, I am not really into cooking or household job. But, i try my best to do each of it. What did I get? “Your food is tasteless” “Why did you do it like this? Why you are so lazy?” Bla bla bla. Im so tired. Mentally and physically.
I do have something that I want to buy. But if I bought something, then I will need to cut off my essential stuff budget. Huhu.. I dont know when will this end. I feel so frustrated with myself and my life.
There are time I want to leave all of this. I want to start a new journey of my life. But, I know I need to be a good daughter, sister even no one ever care about me.
I do apply for various job and even attend an interview. Tapi, mungkin belom rezeki. Doakan dipermudahkan urusan dan di buka pintu rezeki buat saya soon. Dengan keadaan pandemik ini, bertambah mencabar mencari kerja di saat dan ketika ini. Dintambah pula dengan kekangan dan halangan yang di terima.
Whatever it is, I do believe, Allah put me in this situation because Allah know I am capable to go through all of this. He knows I am strong enough to face this challenge. There are something I will achieve at the end of this road, isyaAllah. Rezeki itu berbeza bagi setiap manusia. Mungkin rezeki kawan2 berjumpa pasangan, mendapat kerja dengan mudah, dapat beli rumah dan kereta. Mungkin rezeki saya di beri masa berehat secukupnya di rumah, mendekatkan diri dengan Allah dan cuba mengenal dengan lebih rapat ahli keluarga dan jiran-jiran. Mungkin kawan-kawan di uji dengan perhubungan, anak yang tiba-tiba demam, dan ujian buat saya adalah segi kewangan. Allah maha mengetahui apa yang terbaik ❤️
I always tell myself, jangan terlalu risau akan dengan rezeki. Percaya, setiap orang ada rezeki nya tersendiri. Tiada siapa tahu bila dan siapa yang akan datang pada hari itu untuk berkongsi rezeki dengan kita. So, put your 200% trust in Allah. Everything gonna be fine. Tawakal dan jangan pernah putus asa. Buat saja apa yang betul selagi tidak melanggar syarak. Jangan putus doa. Jangan pernah berhenti selagi nyawa di kandung badan.
It is okay to feel down or meltdown sometimes. Kita insan biasa. Tiada salah nya kalau menangis mengenang nasib. Tapi, jangan terlalu lama. Bangkit dan teruskan usaha 💪🏽.
Anyway, I got a few birthday gift this year. 1 is from Natural Looks because I am their registered member. They give Shower Gel for September babies. And September babies also will get 20% off for any purchase during birthday month. Since I got quite a lot of points from previous purchase, so I decided to redeem all the points and bought a body scrub. After 20% discount and using my points, I just need to pay RM 6.80 for my body scrub. And I loveeeee it sooooo much!
And another gift is from my baby cousin. I used to babysit him since he is a few day old. During this pandemic, he will stay at our house from 7-5 on weekdays. Oh.. this little man is the only one whom always compliment my foods especially my ayam kicap. He (or his mother to be exact) give me a perfume from nealofar, young & glow lipstick (nealofa’s mother brand) and a notebook (which I love so much because I used to be stationery addict. But because im quite broke right now, I stop bought pen, pencil, washi tape, stamp, stickers and all the notebook ✌🏽). TQ baby cousin.
Then, my aunty gave me RM 100 to buy some food. And my little brother order foods for us to celebrate my birthday.
I need to learn to highlight this kind of action towards me more than the negative vibes I got. There are always a good things happen around us but we tend to focus on the other side. Be thankful miera.
Oh, I also had done my full blood test early this month. Just to do a annual check up. But last time I do my check up is in 2017 🤭. Ada rezeki lebih sikit, pegi la klinik. Everything is good. Cholesterol is good, kidney is ok. Tapi macam biasa lah, hypertension is still there. I need to loose some weight. So far, I lost 5kg from the beginning of MCO until September. Really hope can loose up to 10 kg this year. Miera mesti rajin!!! And istiqomah (paling susah nak buat) and berdisiplin (double susah)
So, Happy Birthday to me!! Hopefully 31+ will bring more luck and more good things to me. Aamiinn.
P/s: Im still single btw 😊
